freedom

freedom,

an insatiable mystic

made up of the positive carefully layered and extracted from a large looming depravity

 

It instinctively charges up connotations of TO DO,

freedom to do & inspire in aching parts

 

But the freedom I now crave

as if it were the most important sustenance to ever have befallen me

is a freedom from empty platitudes

and a need to fill  minutes with measures

that on the surface tick a box

 

It is a freedom to do that is inextricable from the ancestral permissive live

and don’t let the stark task of living keep you from fulfilling this very act

within its shears is the understanding that freedom is subjective

but we can sample it

when we free ourselves from the chains of the already happened & what could

 

from the chilling hard press on our bodies

causing us to break down before we step forward, tentatively

It is this freedom, a freedom to fear

that seems most elusive of all

an understanding

Do instead of worry

whenever you rely on fear

act

proactive

 

won’t have time for worry

Do, Do, DO!

and keep doing

 

work on seeing things through

but only if your heart dictates it to be so

 

do what you LOVE!

follow your better instincts

What do you love? Who?

be in love

Why I stalk

approaches with a snarky grin

and marvels, do you have a boyfriend?

steps continue to mirror yours after you answer

(your answer never going to have made a difference in this rhetorical question)

and respond with disinterest all the same

 

“WHY?” is the respondent question to your no

remarkable patience shown by continuing to show interest

following you around like a cycling bird of prey

paragon in the scour of hunt

which you unwittingly have given consent to partake in by your flight

 

Don’t you know apex predators like it?

Chase you when you run,

get encouraged, sniffing out adrenaline and cortisol response

 

will press up against you to get a reaction

express genuine confusion with your refusal

which is clear is done for dramatic, showy effect

 

recall in nonplussed bewilderment

the programming of childhoods:

Blade Runner, Indiana Jones, Terminator, James Bond

showed their rogue, handsome heroes doing the same

cornering women against tables

backing their objects of affections into walls

aggressively pursuing the way men do

blocking doorways with their chests

wearing the women of their dreams down systematically

through attempt after attempt after attempt

 

she wanted it, knew they all wanted it 

they just needed to be relieved of having to say it for themselves

relieved of that feminine moral duty

to stay chaste and be a lady

Hence easing the awful shame and confusion that would surely come from having the decision of their bodies be available fully and completly to them

 

so I assisted and helped them along.

 

character

if circumstances reflect our standing

and the reflection is muddy and torn

best-tribal-tattoos

the next less acknowledged part is the damning,

the sentencing – a personal telling of our character

untitled

though we have not given consent nor clearance for this characterization

since I feel alone – it must be because I am unlovable

cases and points make so many hard lines that overwelm us,

vindicating a batch of insecurities that never needed any prodding

they fester

swelling their overgrown balmy palmed leaves

onto the next arm to tattoo

a little too personal

happiness or delusion

which storybook does it land

constant vigilance in a world with knives and teeth

having to sequester in an island

are you at peace?

 

Nothing works isolated alone

but why then does inoperation become of my company

impatience & compassion bleeding at the sharpened horn

mangled and incomprehensibly bound

 

why does loneliness settle in solitude

resolutions of fitting undesired, loveless and disconnection

close around

can you draw lines to yourself

to fulfill human touch?